A Heart Like His

I have begun to study the life of David, with the help of Beth Moore and only a week into this study I am excited for it and excited to lead the girls through it.

The phrase that keeps ringing in my mind is "David was a man after God's own heart." I keep wondering what made God able to say this to Samuel. What made David different from his brothers that God said Samuel this is the one to anoint as king. I mean David's father didn't even want to bring him to Samuel at first, his own father was saying my youngest son, the shepherd could not be the one God has called to be king. But yet, he was the one God choose.

I want to know what makes David a man after God's own heart, because I want to be a woman after God's own heart and so I have been thinking of what I know of the life of David. And I keep thinking none of it makes him special. I mean yes, killing Goliath with a stone, that makes him special but I don't think that is why God called him. What resonates (you should have seen me trying to spell that word-that's why I don't use big words often) with me about what I know about David's life is that he was always honest with God. He worshipped God in the good, he didn't worry about the "churchy" things of worship he just presented a pure heart before God. He ran from God, he questioned God, the psalms are full of true and honest emotions and I believe that is why God choose David - to show us that he could use someone with emotions such as ours, with human desires and actions to lead the way for Jesus. David wasn't perfect, you don't have to be a scholar to know that, but we know that from his line, came our Savior. That this imperfect man was called a man after God's own heart. And so I think what God is a calling us to is to offer our imperfect lives up to him completely and to be honest with Him in every moment.

Expect more on the life of David to come. As I have 9 more weeks of study ahead of me :) Senior high girls, I am excited to lead you in this study as we all learn to have hearts like His :)

Ramblings

I am one month exactly from turning 26 and it is scaring me to death. I never thought this is where I would be at 26 and to be honest 26 is making 25 look a whole lot better. There are so many things that I thought would be different; I thought I would have seen more of the world, I thought I would be married and maybe even starting a family, at times I would have thought I would have had a book published by now, I have had so many different plans for my life but there is one problem with all those plans – they were MY plans and I had forgotten about God’s plans for my life.

God’s plans were to bring glory to His name. And that scares me because I’m afraid I have even messed up His plans. But that’s the great thing about our God we can’t mess up His plans. Oh trust me I’ve taken paths that I am sure He has sat and watched me from above just saying “Don’t do that” probably even screaming “don’t answer the phone call”, “don’t date that boy”, “don’t make that choice” in my eyes I have SO messed up His plans. But I serve an amazing God who has taken all of my mistakes and is using them for His glory. For I am a sinner, I am still making mistakes but what brings God glory is that every morning I wake up and I proclaim that in that day I am going to live for Him and strive to do my best. He doesn’t expect me to be perfect – for no one but Jesus can be perfect. Because I choose to pick up the pieces of this life that I have broken and I choose to hand them to Him and allow Him each day to put me back together again and make me whole. And so at a month away from 26 I haven’t accomplished all that I want to but I believe that I have accomplished all that God wants me too.

Recently I have been inspired by the lives of two women who in their passing left a legacy of love and a life well lived behind. I regret that I never truly got to know either but I gladly have been inspired by their stories. So as I face 26 head on in the next month (yes, it may take me all month or more to accept it) I will do so knowing that God is leading the way and giving me examples to follow. While there are things I hope to accomplish or hope that happen in the next year, I know they may not and I will accept that knowing that God knows what’s best for me. Maybe I’ll sit here again next year wondering how could I have gotten here without accomplishing much but hopefully I next year I will be saying – “What an amazing year with God” even if it’s not what I expect out of life.

I know this is a lot of rambling but tonight I just felt this deep desire to just write – so there it is.

Orginally written: January 8, 2009

Rejoice

Today I stood and cheered with a crowd to celebrate that one of the most amazing woman of God I have ever known made it home.

Dana was beautiful and her spirit was even more beautiful. I regret that I never got to study the Bible with her but feel blessed to have known in the small way I did. Today Barry asked us to take all of our memories, all of the ways Dana had touched our lives and share them with others. We were challenge to move slowly today and share the stories. This is my story.

I remember Dana’s smile more than anything and her laughter. My best memory of Dana is at a friend’s wedding shower. While I can not share the stories we shared over that brunch (they are not appropriate for everyone) I can share that I don’t think there was a moment that whole afternoon our table wasn’t laughing hysterically. We weren’t laughing at Dana we were laughing with her as she shared precious stories of her wedding and first few years with Barry. But Dana always had a smile that could light up any room. Whether it was in Roanoke after a “gazillion” (Dana’s exact word and probably mine too) softball games or just passing in the church hallway I will always remember the joy Dana had.

Last night another part of Dana’s life inspired me. As I flipped through pages of her beautiful scrapbooks. I don’t think there was anything Dana and Barry hadn’t done in life. They took every adventure that came their way, whether good or bad and enjoyed every minute of it. They embraced life to the fullest. Dana is an inspiration to me as a writer, as a Bible study teacher, as a friend, and as a child of God. To love deeply, to enjoy the small moments and to take LOTS of pictures and scrapbook them all.

So as Barry encouraged us to live out the legacy we knew of Dana and maybe me making a New Year’s Resolution a few days early I am committing to rejoice always. To never let myself get to serious. But to always be able to laugh at myself. To sit with friends and enjoy every minute of their company. To take any adventure that comes my way. I know many of you reading this probably didn’t have the privilege of knowing Dana. But as we celebrated her life today I just want to encourage you to laugh, to love, and to enjoy every moment of life. You never know when God will call you home – let’s make every minute count.

Orginally written: December 20, 2009

Christmas

Today I was reminded of what Christmas was all about. It was just a simple e-mail written by a friend, who was trying to take some time to remember why we celebrate, an attempt not to get caught up in all the craziness of Christmas. And it struck me, I hadn’t really taken any time to remember what it is all about. Somewhere among all the activities I was doing with my class and decorating my house for the first time and wrapping paper I haven’t taken any time to remember the reason we really celebrate Christmas. So tonight I am sitting here just staring at my nativity scene, thinking of all each person represented in the scene and all they sacrificed that first Christmas. Mary and Joseph, sacrificing their honor and reputation among their family and friends. Mary, even risking her life because she was pregnant out of wedlock. And then Jesus coming to this world to be rejected. Taking on the form and emotions of a human but not for human reasons. We as humans tend to do things for selfish reasons. But Jesus, being perfect as He is, did it for reasons that were totally unselfish. Reasons that only concerned only you and me. He came to be our forgiveness for sins. He came because He wanted us to have a relationship with Him and this was His display of His love for us.

What an amazing Christmas that first one must have been not because of the presents or decorations but because what Mary and Joseph knew about this baby they had brought into the world that night. Amazing because the angels were singing. And their message was the Gospel, the truth. That night, whenever it was, the first came to bow at His feet so that we may be given the opportunity every week, every day, every moment to worship, to take time and sit at His feet to learn, to listen, to love, and to be loved.

I think Linus may have said it best in A Charlie Brown Christmas when Charlie Brown asked if anyone knew the meaning of Christmas and Linus answered, “And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were so afraid … And the angel said unto them, “Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all my people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ, the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.” And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the Heavenly Host praising God, and saying, “Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, and good will toward men. That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.”

That is what Christmas is all about and may we remember it as we step through each busy day this season and may we share the reason with all who may not know.

Orginally written: December 11, 2009

For Such A Time As This

For such a time as this. The famous words we all can quote from the story of Esther. Up until recently I always thought of “for such a time of this” moments as the big moments in our lives. God’s calling, meeting a significant other, making a big decision, or being a part of something big in the life of a church. But recently I have heard God whisper “for such a time as this” in the small moments. In praying with a youth, or worshipping with some old friends who remind me of days gone by, or the laughter of family members gathered together, or in the quietness of my own house, in all of these moments I have heard God say, “for such a time as this.” I always had thought God had called me to move home because he had a significant other for me here or some big ministry to do but none of those things have happened and to be honest lately I had been frustrated with God not understanding all that He had called me too. Don’t get me wrong since I have moved home I have seen him move in some big ways and I have learned and grown so much but I didn’t understand His will for me. Until I changed my view of His will. I realized His will for me is to bring glory to His name beyond that it will all be ok. And once I got that into perspective it was like I could hear Him say loud and clear “for such a time as this” in every little moment. And he has surprised me in the ways he has worked. Opening doors in unexpected ways. Giving me opportunity to speak of Him when I least expected it. Of course, He still hasn’t answered all of my questions but as long as I strive to bring glory to His name I know He is continuing to work.

I don’t know where you are tonight and how you have seen Him at work in your own life. But my prayer is tonight that you will see that His will for your life is to bring glory to His name.

Lord,
You are so amazing. You work in the big ways and the small ways and for that I thank You. Lord I pray tonight that everyone who reads this, including myself will see Your will for our lives as to bring glory to Your name and that we will strive to do that each and every day.
In Your name I pray,
Amen

Orginally written: November 16, 2009

The Presence of God

This morning I stood in the presence of God and I was more aware of it than ever. If you were in the Annex this morning you know what I am talking about. Not only during worship but even during Terry’s message I could just sense God moving. It was amazing. I’m not sure that I have ever been in a service or anywhere for that matter that I have felt God like that.

And as I have gone through the day I have just been awed by God. Everything from the little things to the big things have just made me stand in awe of how He is working. It has been a day where I have been aware of what He is doing for the church and for me. And I have just felt ever overwhelmed by His presence in every moment. And I don’t want to lose this feeling I have today. But as the stress and emotions of this week have already started to creep up and remind me that Monday is so close, I can feel myself losing the feeling. Losing sight of the fact that I am standing in His presence and I don’t want to lose that, I want to always feel His presence like I did this morning, to always know that I am standing before my God and King. I want to focus more on Him and what He would have me do and more on myself and “problems.” I want to remember that His heart is unselfish and that I was created in His image.

Lord,
May I remember that I am always standing in your presence. That you will remind me that you are always with me and always working in my life. Lord, for everyone that reads this I pray that they will feel you as I have today. Help us all to focus more on the way you would do things and less on what we feel is going wrong in our lives.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you’re risen
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

Orginally written: October 19. 2009

Loving God

We are told that Jesus said the greatest commandment is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” And the second is, “to love your neighbor as yourself.” I think we take this commandment for granted. How often do we really try to love God with everything we have? What would it look like if we loved God with everything we were? Recently, I have realized that our culture accepts loving God but putting other things first. Where do we get off doing this? Where in the Bible does it say love your job, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, family and then love your God? That’s not something I have read in my Bible but we justify putting all of these things before God. We say it’s ok not to do our Bible study because we had to stay late at work or we had too much homework. We put spending time with our friends ahead of spending time with God. This isn’t the life we were called to live. Because allow ourselves to slip out of spending time with God then allows other sin to creep into our lives. These may not be big things – it usually starts small. A little lie here or there, hanging out with some people we know we shouldn’t, or losing our temper every now and again but if we continue to allow ourselves to live this life then bigger sins start to creep in. We are lying about everything, constantly angry, or spending all of our time with people who aren’t uplifting and who crush our Christian walk because we first let our walk with God slip away.

I have been thinking today what does it look like to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength? While I know I don’t have all the answers I would like to share the ones I do have. The mind came easy – we take our thoughts captive to God. We don’t allow impure thoughts of any kind in our lives. Did you know that most sins begin as just a crazy thought and for a while we might push it away but eventually we let the thought linger for a while and then before we know it we have acted on that thought. And we are thinking to ourselves “How did I get here?” you got there by not stopping the sin when it was just a temptation – a thought. Also, to love God with all of our mind I believe we must be committing scripture to memory. I believe our strength is what I was talking about earlier – doing everything as if we were working for God. To give everything we do all we have. Now our heart and our soul are a little trickier and I haven’t gotten to answer I can share but I would also love to hear other thoughts on this topic. I have been consumed by this thought today of what would it look life if we loved God with all we had? As individuals? As Breiel Church (or whatever church you are a part of)? As the global church? Imagine all we could do if we each committed to loving God with all we have.

I think Shane & Shane say it best in their song Yearn – “Lord I want to yearn for you, I want to burn with passion Over you and only you.” Not only should that be our desire in life but that is God’s desire for us – that we would yearn for Him and only Him. That is my prayer for myself and for you.

Orginally written: September 10, 2009

Psalm 37:4

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This is one of the first verses I commited to memory. I was going through a struggle being 18 and just ending a relationship and wondering how God could work in my life. And a wise friend told me to memorize this verse. It helped for the time but since then 7 years have passed and to be honest I had given up on this promise from God. I felt like none of the desires of my heart had come, He hadn’t granted me anything. But this weekend I was challenged as one of my favorite speakers, Beth Moore, spoke on this exact verse. I was challenged to look around and see all the things that God had given me over those years. I had spent time in Flordia, where I met some amazing friends & family. Where I grew in my relationship with God like I never had before. I have been able to serve at Breiel in many different aspects of the church, that I wouldn’t have had I been given the desires of my heart. And most recently I have learned that I can make it all by myself and my God will always be with me. Had I been given the desires of my heart at 18,19, or even 20 I never would have ended up buying a house this summer and what an amazing journey it has been with God and my family and my friends. And so I’ve come to realize that those desires, I KNOW my God will fulfill for He is faithful to His Word but in the meantime He has looked at the heart of my desires and that was for me to be the best person I could be in my walk with Him and He has taught me so much about who I am in Him in the past 7 years than I ever thought I would know. I am continuing to trust that God keeps His Word and have learned that often when He seems slow to answer us – its because His glory is at stake. I can’t wait for Him to show me His glory as He fulfills the desires of my heart and while I know I may have to keep waiting I will be looking for the small blessings all around.

Orginally written: August 30, 2009

Distance

was driving the stretch o f 73 today between Middletown and Franklin with the dog in the car and ipod on shuffle as normal, when my whole day was changed. God of this City started playing and I just started to cry at first I couldn’t realize even why but then it hit me. God feels so distant to me right now. Don’t get me wrong I’ve watched Him do some amazing things this summer. The missions trip was awesome, VBS was crazy, and the B2SR was better than I could ever imagine. I have been involved in amazing Bible studies. I’ve watched people dedictate and rededicate their lives to Christ, I am amazed at what He can do. He seems so BIG to me but yet so far away.
Isn’t it funny how the human mind works. I have watched God work in so many lives includuing my own this summer. But yet, I don’t feel as if He is at work in my life right now. And on that short drive, between fighting with the dog and tears I realized I was about to let Satan win, I was about to believe that God wasn’t at work in my life. What a lie! And so I just began to cry out to God, yes, aloud and I probably looked like I was crazy but its o.k. God is totally worth it!
I say all this because many of those who I know read this have had an amazing summer with God. And my guess is Satan is on attack in many lives, not just mine. He wants to put out our fire and we can’t let Him. So I just wanted you to know I’ll be praying for you. If you want to let me know specifics you can but if not I’ll still be praying. And I ask that you pray for me. Together we will bring glory to God! Satan can not win! We’ve got to much to do and God is still the God of this City.

Orginally written: August 7, 2009

Sharing God's Love

Isn’t it funny how the simplest things can remind you of so much? This morning I stopped at Starbucks to get a caramel macchiato on my way to Bible study. I didn’t think much of it at first as I silently critiqued the lady who made my drink but when she didn’t drizzle caramel on top I was flooded with memories of an old friend, the one who taught me how to make a perfect caramel macchiato, Matthew. Matthew was more than a friend, he was my boss at the coffee shop I worked at in college. Matthew and I had a strange relationship, we often took smoke breaks together, although I have never smoked, I enjoyed these times just to sit and talk with Matthew. You see, Matthew was an openly gay man living with his partner and although I never said anything about it he knew where I stood with God. I mean, I went to the Christian college, wouldn’t work on Sundays or Wednesday nights and often sat in the coffee shop to do my Bible study, it wasn’t hard to figure out. But Matthew also knew I never judged his way of life. We often talked about baseball which would lead to more about jobs, school, family, friends and even relationships. I’ll never forget one night as Matthew and I were closing the coffee shop, he stopped dead in tracks turned and looked at me and asked me to pray for him. I stood their stunned while I managed to mumble, “ok..” Matthew went on to tell me that he didn’t feel he could talk to God with how he was living his life but that he had recently come back into contact with his brother and wanted some prayers. In my disbelief I think I mumbled something about how anyone could talk to God and that I would be praying. We never again talked about that conversation and shortly after I left Florida to move back home. I visited Matthew at the coffee shop last time I was in Florida, we took a smoke break and caught up on all the things that had happened in our lives and shared our anticipation for baseball season. That day I noticed something in Matthew had changed, he was smoking less and just seemed happier. Since then Matthew and I have lost touch and I regret it, but such is life. But every time I stop to get a coffee I find myself thinking of him and say a little prayer for I know seeds of hope have been planted in his life and I pray that God has brought other people along his path to water them.
I’m afraid I’ve changed to since then. I’m more afraid to speak what I believe in and maybe a little more judgmental too. But today as I enjoyed my caramel macchiato I prayed that God would bring back in me the person I was then. That I would be able to spread the Gospel and God’s love without ever saying a word.

I love the quote “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” I pray that I can find a desire to live my life this way again for I fear I have strayed so far from it.
I don’t know where you are today and to be honest I’m not sure really why I’m sharing this story. I think I just needed to get it out there. I hope it inspires you to live your life in a way that shows everyone the love of God. I find it no coincidence that during these thoughts Warren Barfield’s song Mistaken came on my IPod. Lord, may we all be mistaken for You.”

Orginally written: June 27, 2009

Pain

So I was talking with a friend tonight and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I was trying to think of some words of wisdom to say to her. I thought of all of the things people have said to me over the past almost 7 years. There has been a lot of advice and “words of wisdom” but none of it could ever take away the pain.
And that’s when I realized it is because we have to go through the pain to know the joy. I guess it was what Warren Barfield was trying to say yesterday, if you were at Breiel, about his collar bone. But it didn’t make sense to me today but as I had finished this conversation with this friend and I was reflecting on it I realized all of the joy I have felt that I could not have know if I had not first known the pain.

This past week I have felt a joy I have never known as I came to forgive myself and people who have hurt me. But if it wasn’t for that hurt then I could have never known that joy that forgiveness brings.

So tonight if you are walking a path that has brought you pain. I pray that you will continue on it. You may not understand why but God does. He knows the joy you will experience from the pain you have suffered. He must, that is why He sent His Son in the first place. He suffered pain so that we may experience the joy of having a relationship with Him. There is a celebration that is in heaven as another person comes to know Him but there had to be the cross first.
We must go through the valleys to fully experience God on the mountain tops.

Orginally written: June 23, 2009

God of This City

I’ve been trying to put into words what I experienced this week during the God of this city missions trip. And I’m struggling to find words to express it. I can tell you what I saw that part is easy. I saw shelves being built, clothes and donations being sorted, items put into tubs, people sharing meals, kids serving the needy, youth worshipping like never before and God being glorified in the city of Middletown.I reluctantly agreed to go on this trip. I’m not sure why it was so difficult for me I love these kids but for some reason I was so against going on this trip, I guess because I had my own agenda and after this week I realize Satan didn’t want me to experience all I experienced. But God had huge plans, things I didn’t even realize I needed planned for this week.

This week I saw God show up not just once but everywhere we went. When we were serving He was there, when we had free time He was there, when we shared meals He was there and even when we slept He was there. We had amazing worship with our wonderful friends Ruah but it wasn’t about them, God showed up every time we had a worship service. I saw these youth worship in a way I had never seen before. They experienced freedom in worship with hands raised high they gave everything to God. It was so amazing that every time I opened my eyes I began to cry because they were so genuine in their worship. Wes allowed God to work through him to deliver some awesome messages that pushed all of us youth and adults to be better people. I saw people lay down their chains that had been holding them for so long and experience a freedom from what held them down in their walk. I too experienced a new found freedom from something I didn’t even realize I was still struggling with. God spoke to me in a new way.
This week I realized that when we serve others it pushes us to our limits. It tests us and if we allow God to have control we can become more like him. I never saw one fight between our kids or adults this week. We all worked together as a team everyday. We knew our tasks and we worked hard.

These words barely touch the surface of what we experienced as a group this week. And I say all of this because youth, I am proud of you. You took the city of Middletown by storm this week and the lives of many people will never be the same because of it. Today I got asked what I do in my free time and I was so proud to say that I spend so much of my time with you guys. You are an amazing bunch of teenagers and I love you. I love that you allow God to work in you and to truly be the Lord of your lives. Keep up the good work. We finished the fight this week but we must keep on fighting until the end. There is still so much of this city that went untouched. Greater things are still to come in this city.

Lord,
Thank you for the blessing of serving beside these kids. And for being able to serve them. I pray your blessing upon each one of them. Lord, this week they learned so much about themselves and about you. May they never cease to worship you and may you always show up in the daily events of their lives like you did this week.
Lord, we know there is still so much to do in this city, this nation and this world. May we keep the passion we have experienced this week as we go back to our daily lives. May we remember that there are always more people that need to hear of your love and more people who are hurting. May we share the gospel always and use words when necessary. Let your passion for the lost burn in each one of us. You are the God of this city and may we continue to bring glory to your name.
In Jesus name,
Amen

Orginally written: June 21, 2009

He Is Singing Over Me

Our devotional this morning quoted Zephaniah 3:17 – “The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.” It then asked us to quietly sing worship songs to God and ask Him what He sings over us. Here is the response I felt:
“I sing over you that you are forgiven, beautiful, and loved. I’ve been singing it for so many years now waiting for youto listen and believe. To trust my words that I sing over you. You lets this world and Your own desires break you down so many years ago and I’ve just been patiently picking up the pieces singing to you that you are forgiven, beautiful loved just waiting for you to stop long enough to hear me. Daughter may you never again forget to listen to my song because I’ll always be here singing it over you.”

I share this because recently I have felt distant from God and this week has allowed me time to focus on Him but this morning in the quiet of the youth center I felt His voice like I never have before. So if in this moment you feel distant from God I suggest that you take some time, sing worship to Him and then allow Him to sing over you. Sit in the stillness and listen to His voice I am sure that He has a song He wants to sing over You also.

Orginally written: June 17, 2009

Forgiveness

Forgiveness … its a word said so easily said but not usually meant. I have said for years that I forgive the person who hurt me most in my past, but tonight I was challenged to pray for that person’s soul and when I realized I couldn’t do that I realized I had never truly forgiven him. Forgivenes doesn’t mean putting the relationship back to where it was but it does mean loving the person as Christ would have loved him. It means putting the past behind you, not ever forgiving it, but pushing past it and loving like Jesus.
While its hard to forgive others it is even harder to forgive ourselves. We have to face ourselves in the mirror everyday and usually I try to push the shame and guilt to the back, put a smile on my face and go on all the while trying not to remember the mistakes of my past. But that is not how God told us to live our lives. We are to put our shame and our guilt at the foot of the cross and leave it there because He loves us.
He loves us with a love that is so indescribable. I can’t put it into words. I have been searching for words all night but I can’t seem to find them. All I know is that this love has overwhelmed my soul and I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. But now I have to go and live each day in His forgiveness, I can’t just let it be a moment that happens. It has to be a lifestyle change.

Abba, Father,
Lord thank you for the way You love me! I am so amazed by it. Lord, I pray that you would help me to forgive Brian Lord and that you would help me to love him as You love Him. Lord, I know things can never be the same with him Lord but I do pray that He comes to know You truly as his Lord and Savior.Lord, I pray that as each moment passes I would live in this freedom I feel tonight. Lord, that I would remember that You have forgiven me. Lord, I lay it all at Your feet because I love You only because You have loved me.Lord may I share this forgiveness with others each and everyday.
In Jesus name,
Amen

Orginally written: June 17, 2009

The Motions

The words to Brandon West’s song The Motions have been stuck in my head for over a day. They have become a constant prayer of sorts to me – “I don’t wanna go through the motions. I don’t wanna go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me. I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?”
These words inspired the memory of good friend of mine who passed away 9 years ago. She was only 18 but in her final year or so here on Earth she inspired all who knew her.
Teresa and I were childhood friends we met in the field behind my house every chance we got with the entire neighborhood. My mom will tell you we didn’t always get along and I’m sure she’s right. Teresa was outspoken and a typical redhead and while I was a little more quiet and shy we both liked to have our own ways and would fight to get them.
But in Teresa’s final two years here we grew closer. She was my ride to school every morning that she felt well enough to drive. And we thought we were hot stuff in her red Mustang convertible. But it wasn’t long into my sophomore year when Teresa couldn’t go to school anymore. From that point on she was in and out of Children’s Hospital more times than I can count. I remember spending that New Year’s Eve with her in the hospital we made plans for the next year. She made me promise I would spend the next New Year’s Eve with her and I promised, even though we both knew it probably wouldn’t come true. I made her promise me she would teach me to ride a horse and she promised she would. We were going to have a great year in 200, just as soon as she could get out of that hospital.
One of my greatest memories from that year with Teresa I wasn’t even there for but I was told about by her mom. One of the doctors asked Teresa if she could have 3 wishes what would they be. They were to graduate high school, own a farm, and to see everyone come to know Jesus. I remember listening in awe as my precious friend didn’t even ask for her own healing she knew when she left this world where she was going. I’m glad to say that in June of 200 Teresa did graduate high school with a standing ovation. Just a few short days later Teresa was put back into the hospital. I remember going to see her and she wasn’t conscious but she held my hand. Just over a week my dear friend was gone.
It gets harder to remember her each day that passes. Sometimes I pull out pictures or stop by grave more to remember what she looked like than anything. But even as the memories fade one that never will was her dream of everyone knowing Christ.

You see Teresa knew the moments she had were limited and so she made the most in that final year to share Christ and His love with all she came in contact with. She didn’t just go through the motions she lived it to the best of her ability.

Lord,I don’t want to go through the motions. I don’t want to go one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me. I don’t want to spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything instead of going through the motions.Please forgive me Lord for I know lately I have been just going through the motions I haven’t lived with your passion. Lord please fill me with that passion today. Help me to see this world as you see it. Hurting and broken. Lord help me to preach the Gospel with every day of my life and to use words when necessary.Thank you Lord for the example you set before me of not going through the motions. I know that everyone who came in contact with Teresa knew where she stood with you. And Lord I thank you for her friendship, she was such a special person.In Jesus name,Amen

Orginally written: June 13, 2009

Habits

I am making the transition to a new school next year well actually it’s the school I grew up in. And so I am teaching with some of my old teachers. One in particular who inspired my desire to teach was Ms. Myers and I ran into her in the hallway the other day and she said, “Please don’t call me Ms. Myers, please call me Mary.” I replied with an “o.k.” thinking it was no big deal. But do you realize how hard it is to break a habit you have had since 3rd grade? And I’ve seen Ms. Myers a lot since then, her son graduated with me and she has always been Ms. Myers and now I have to call her Mary! It is going to take a lot of practice this summer. But then I got to thinking about how hard it is to break any habit. We are told it takes 21 to make a habit. But it can take a lifetime to break one. No wonder Jesus tells us that we must daily take up our cross. Daily we must die to ourselves because those habits keep rising up in us again. Our old self is fighting to come out but we must remember we are a new creation in Christ. New habits can be formed and He will gain all the glory from it.

Orginally written: June 8, 2009

Fear

Fear. It can stop you in your tracks and this weekend I came close to letting it stop me. Fear of saying goodbye, fear of moving on, fear of a friendship growing cold, fear of facing my past, and fear of losing someone I love all started to eat away at my this weekend. Over the course of a week I have or will have come face-to-face with all of this situations and I almost let them defeat me. And then I was reminded that fear is not what this life is about.
It is about living in the will of God. And the will of God has no place for fear. Jesus came so that we may live the abundant life. Not the life lived in fear. I believe the abundant life is one lived in God’s will – which as I was reminded tonight is finding God at work and meeting Him there. Fear can not be involved in these situations because if we are living in fear – then we can not focus completley on the work of God. So tonight I surrendered it all to Him. I know that He is at work in each of these situations and He will work it all out for His glory.

I have realized that goodbyes will come and that I will leave with the memories of some wonderful students and co-workers and they will hopefully remember that I showed them the love of Christ, even when I wasn’t able to speak it. I will face the future with expectations of again being able to show the love a Christ to new people and new students. I will pour everything I have into a friendship that I’m afraid of losing because I know that together we could do some mighty things for the Kingdom and I’m not ready to let them walk away. When I face my past I will do so knowing I am a new creation in Christ and that I can extend the love and grace that Christ has so freely given me to the one person who has hurt me the most.

If you are reading this and you are living with fear. Know that its not the life God called you to. He called you to an abundant life and that is His desire for you. So I pray that tonight you will be able to turn that fear over to Him and let Him lift that burden off of you and I know He will walk through each situation with you and show you the good in it.

Orginally written: June 1, 2009

Blessings

The blessings
They pour down like rain
Yet sometimes I miss them
I can’t open my eyes to see the things you have given to me
The kind words of a friend
The love of a family
A smile from a stranger
All blessing from heaven that I sometimes miss
Because I am to selfish to see what I really needed
And wonder why you didn’t give me all I wanted.
Yet sometimes those blessings leave me in awe
Like when I open my eyes during worship
And find I am surrounded by friends with their hands raised high
In surrender to the one true God
And I wonder how I got so blessed
How You knew exactly what I needed
In each moment of this life.
So God help me to see through each storm
To see Your hand at work all around me
For I don’t want to miss the blessings
You have poured out on me

Orginally written: May 31, 2009

Lord I gave you my heart
Asked you to protect it
Said I couldn’t deal with this heartbreak again
It hurt too much
To watch him go
But now it’s Friday night and I’m all alone
And so I pray you didn’t forget
And I pray that you will help me find
The one with whom I am to share this life
But until that day
And until I see
I pray that my love You would be
I’m tired of the loneliness
And the questions never seem to fade
But I know the plans You have will amaze
So show me each step to take
And show me the right way to go
Because without You I really am all alone
Please help me through another night
With the couples all around
When all I long for is a hand to hold
Remind me it’s worth the wait and the pain
And Lord please don’t forget
Keep him walking with You until that day
For a God written love story I pray.

Orginally written: May 23, 2009

Unexpected Love

As many of you know I love to write. And that I have the goal of one day writing a book and/or a Bible Study. But right now my life doesn’t have allow me the time to work on anything that huge so I decided to start this blog to share some of my inspirations for writing until I have the time to work on a big project.

Today I had one of the funniest experience I have had since working with kids. We are approach a 4 day weekend and so I was having the students share what they were going to do this weekend. Nothing out of the normal for our “morning meeting” time. As they finished and were walking back to their seats all of the girls one –by –one walked up and gave me a hug and then went on to their seat. I have no clue what inspired this outpouring of love, I hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary, I hadn’t said anything special but they each approached me to show me their love.

It made me thing about how we should approach God. He shouldn’t have to do anything huge to earn our love. He already did the biggest thing He could in sending his Son to die on the cross. Yet some days I am so guilty of expecting Him to do more for me. I expect Him to answer all my prayers the way I want Him to. But that’s not how He instructed to approach Him. Matthew 18 tells us, “He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” The humble little child doesn’t love out of selfishness because He did something for us but the little child loves because you loved them. He is already shown us His love so we should be ready to pour our love out on Him.

Orginally written: May 22, 2009