Trust

God is really teaching me a lesson in trust lately. As a teacher, it is a scary time, districts are cutting like crazy and I have this fear of having this house and not having a job. Beyond that I took a step and told a friend something that I knew would hurt her and I had been avoiding because she is so wonderful I never wanted to hurt her. Then for some reason I feel that God is having me spend a lot of time by myself lately and if you know me, you that drives me crazy!!! Yes I own my own home but I hate being here by myself, but through each of these God has said to me, “trust me.” Through all of this it has been an emotional weekend for me. But through worship this morning and again tonight, which were both wonderful, I could just hear God saying, “trust me” and I had to say “ok” which I realized is hard for me. I have been hurt in the past by boyfriends and friends and so I have come to realize it is hard for me to trust, because so many people have broken me and turned their back on me. But the great thing about God is that He will never break our trust, we can walk away from Him, but He will never walk away from us. God’s love is so much bigger than any human’s love we have ever experienced that we can’t even completely understand it. His love never ends, it amazes me. When I stepped out in trust and talked to a friend, it was a very healing time and it didn’t turn out the way I thought it would at all and I knew God had provided. He had shown His faithfulness as He does so many times, just begging me to put all my trust in Him, but I continue to stop short of fully trusting Him. But my desire is to fully surrender all to God, knowing that He has proven Himself through the cross, to love me more than I could ever imagine. He has always been worthy of my trust, I just haven’t always been willing to give it to Him. But I am honestly going to try from now on not to worry, but to live in the joy that each day brings, and know that tomorrow and its problems will come but God will provide enough strength for each day and every situation. Lord, thank You that You provide the strength we need for every situation and every moment of each day. Lord, You never cease to amaze me. Please help me to put my trust in You daily and to not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough troubles of its own. Help me to truly delight in You.

A Life Long Lesson

"I know I have made a difference in these children’s learning experience; but, more
importantly, they have made a difference in my learning experience. For the rest
of my life, I will remember the little boy who one day gave me an F in my
Spanish lesson because I could not remember the words he had taught me the day
before and I wondered how many times he had felt the same way I did, but his
grade really mattered."

These are words I wrote as a sophomore in college, one of my first teaching experiences was working in an after school tutoring program with mainly migrant students. The little boy I spoke of made a huge impact on my life. You see while I was helping him with with his English spelling, he was teaching me Spanish. This little boy's family was a migrant family, everyone at home spoke Spanish and there was very little English spoken in the house, so the only exposure he got to it was at school. At the beginning of our time together I made a deal with him, if we could get through his homework I would let him give me a Spanish lesson. I'll be honest I don't remember what words he taught me - but I know I'll never forget this lesson, the day he gave me a F in Spanish. I'll remember it because it is the day I learned that the best education is not equal but equitable, it was the day I knew I wanted to be a teacher not for the pay or the summers off but for the difference I could make in lives of students like this one, students who no one at home could help with their homework, how many times had he recieved a F on assignment, because the work wasn't on his level in his language.

I have been thinking a lot lately with all the chaos of education reform and union busting about what I could do next, if I ever need to leave education. Today I thought about this experience and I remembered that I didn't enter into education for the pay, I will continue to teach, God willing, as long as that is where I feel He has placed me. You could take away my pay and my health care but the difference I make in the lives of students can never be taken away. That is why I am a teacher. Yes, at times I feel God's call to do more and right now I am wrestling with what that means but tomorrow I will walk in that classroom knowing that there are 20 students who are so close to being third graders, depending on me to teach them something new, depending on me to prepare them for the future - because they are the future of this country.

This post isn't about something new God is teaching me, but just something I wanted to share for all of those who have asked me why I stand where I do on Senate Bill 5 and the funding of education, because it is not about my pay, it is about what God has called me to do and more importantly it is about the next leaders of our country and the values I want to instill in them.

Broken hearted

Have you ever been so broken hearted that someone didn’t know Christ? Up until recently, I had been sad that people don’t know Christ but in the last month I have had an experience that has just made me so broken hearted that this person who is so dear to me, doesn’t know Christ. I have never experienced anything like this, it is constantly in my thought and I wonder how can I speak truth into this life. I am constantly praying over this person, that God would open the eyes and heart to see how much He loves them. I have cried, numerous times just wishing that they would open up to God and to me. Then tonight, it hit me, God felt that way about me at one time. When I was 17 I had period of time where I pretty much turn my back on God and most people, and now I can only imagine the emotions I put God through and how my actions must have grieved Him. Tonight, I was reminded of what He did for me on the cross and I just sat in awe because I realized that the way I feel over this person, God has felt that way over me.

Do you realize tonight that if you aren’t walking with Jesus He is grieving over you? That he wants to have a relationship with you? That your actions are hurting Him? I had never realized that – but it’s true.

If you are walking with Jesus are you broken hearted over the people in your life who aren’t walking with Him? Are you reaching out to them? I’ve realized over these past few weeks that I shouldn’t just feel this way over one person, but over ever person that God puts in my path that doesn’t know Him. I should constantly be praying for and interacting with these people showing them love and watching for the open door to speak the Gospel into their life.

Lately, I have been so selfish with my prayers – ok not lately but for most of my life, it has been about what God can give me but now I want my prayer life and my life in general to be about what I can give to God. You know, I’ll make it if He decides never to give me a husband, or if through this chaos I lose my job. But if I let someone I love and care about go on without knowing that God loves them, then what good have I done here on Earth?

Something about today, has opened my eyes again to the joy of my salvation and I never want to forget it because I want to continue sharing it on a daily basis.

Lord,
First of all I lift to you this someone that you have placed in my life and I just pray that you will use me to interact with them and show them your love. Lord, you know this burden that has been on my heart and I just pray that you would use me and anyone else to open eyes and hearts to what you want done in this life. Lord, I pray that you use whatever circumstance necessary to bring them to you.

And Lord for myself and for those reading this that are walking with you I pray that you would never again let us forget the joy of our salvation. That we would constantly be sharing this joy with others that they may come to know you and then teachers others. Lord, let my life not be about me, let me become less so that you can become more.

Thank you Lord for what you did upon the cross, I stand amazed by it daily.
In Jesus Name,
Amen